This Is How I Disappear
by Satirical Sunflower
Summary: What would you do if everything you knew came crashing all around you? And all you could do was run and hope for the best? Would you stay, and get brutally killed, or disappear and live day by day thinking that the only thing you could do was hope that?


**A/N:**I wrote this before I saw Series 3, and even then I never saw the first 3 episodes, only #4 onwards. I have been told that Merlin was only accused of being a sorcerer in Goblins Gold, and not actually found out, but I'm placing this fic in there anyway. Let's just say he was actually found out, kay? Also, I did edit this fic a little because when I first wrote this, I gave it to my English teacher to look over and edit, yet it took her quite a few months to even print it out from when I emailed it to her. So I just put it up anyway since I thought it was good enough. Anyway, I am now done so onwards to the story! Enjoy everyone!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Merlin, nor will I ever (no matter how much I would like to). BBC owns Merlin, much to my dismay.

All he knew was that he needed to run. Run away from what just happened. To get as far away from the castle as he could, for he could no longer call it his home, or call these people his friends. If he stayed any longer, Uther would surely have had him executed on the spot, even though all he had been doing was trying to save Uther's life, not destroy it. He thought the king would have understood, but no, the king was blinded by hate, and flew at any chance he could get to get rid of the people who took his wife away, although the actual person who did the action had been killed long ago.  
He tried to reason, he tried to plead, but his efforts were to no anvil. It was decided, he would be killed at dawn by fire, a slow and excruciating death. His only option was to run, that was the only way he could survive, so he did. He sprinted toward the forest, away from the shouts of Gaius, Gwen, Gwaine, Arthur, all the people he had come to love. He reached the forest, but not without the king ordering his men to shoot at him with their crossbows and him having to dodge the iron bolts and deflect them with magic.  
He couldn't go back to Ealdor, his mother, since the knights would probably search the small village as one of the first places he would go. But perhaps if he could find a cave to serve as a home in- maybe if he found again the one his father had once lived in all those years, there would surely be something left over he could use. He couldn't stay in the cave of course, Arthur probably remembered where it was and thought it a possibility, although thankfully he never found out Balinor had been his father. He quickly reached the familiar cave, and found everything was still there, save for the fact that no one had cleaned up the mess they had made when Uther had ordered Arthur to go back and search it for dangerous or valuable objects. He then took anything he could- food, blankets, clothes that were too big for him- and set off again. It was night by now, and it was only a quarter moon tonight, so he couldn't see as well in the dark. If there had only been time to go back to his room, then he could have retrieved his book of magic and then, at least, he could have tried to survive a little better with it. However, he couldn't think about that now, not now that he was truly alone, just wandering through the woods, hoping he would run into someone who was willing to hide him, or at least he could find a cave he could be sheltered in.  
It was about 2:00 in the morning when he found a small cave, only just big enough for him to live in comfortably for a while. He decided never to stay in one place too long, maybe a week at most, although that was pushing it a little. Although, in the end it might not have been so bad if he were caught; at least then he wouldn't have to worry about anything but his impending death, only after which he would feel nothing. At least he could be in Avalon with his beloved Freya, who was waiting alone, with no one to talk to. All magical beings went to Avalon after their death, but sometimes you went to a completely different place there if you were different enough. Frey had the curse, he was practically pure magic, hardly human.  
But then again, maybe there was something worth living for, about one year later standing, bound by the strongest rope, about to be killed by being set on fire. If Arthur was to become king in a few years, at least then he could have looked forward to that. He could have looked forward to be able to do magic in public without being afraid he would get killed, and people would accept him because magic was just a part of him. It wasn't something you could throw away, like some rag doll you were too old to play with, magic was just as much a part of him like Arthur or Uther being royalty was a part of them. Technically he could also get away easily by saying an incantation, but at the present moment he was being gagged, so he couldn't really do much about that. He started searching the crowd for anyone he knew, for one last final message from anyone. His own blue eyes finally found the blue of Arthur's eyes, and in them he found sadness, and he could tell that Arthur was sorry, both for the fact that he was caught, and for the fact that he had no power to change his father's mind once he made a decision, especially when it came to magic. His eyes were also the last thing Merlin saw, before his vision blackened forever, never to see his destiny fulfilled years later, even if he didn't help the rest of the way.

**A/N: **Just reminding to please review, but don't flame, although I do except constructive criticism. I'll hand out cookies looking like Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine if you do!


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